Filthy Lives-Sam

Written 11.22.2008 by Sam L.

People often observe that life is beautiful. Is it? All I see in life is filth. But somehow I still agree with them that say life is beautiful. I think I can agree with them because I love the things that happen that I cannot control that make life good and filthy. It's not the same type of love that is a comforting embrace or a tired kiss at the end of the day from someone who cares. It's not like I love coffee, or that calming cup of hot tea. Not even love like that guilty drag off of a cigarette after work, knowing I shouldn't find such solaces in my vices. But I love the filth of my life, those things that you cannot plan for that gives life that sepia tent. I love the moments where everything around you is chaos, not because I love chaos, but because I love the experience and beautiful stories that will follow.

It's not the outcome of a situation that bothers me. It's the anxiety of waiting to see what the outcome will be. I hate waiting. Example - It's like going to the mall. It's not that I really mind shopping, but I hate waiting on someone to finish shopping. I prefer to deal with situations and then move on, a.k.a. buy the jeans and let's go home. But despite the tedious waiting that life's dilemmas require while, a part of me appreciates those perceptually meaningless and tiring moments. It's only in the 20/20 of hindsight that I see standing outside the changing room holding a purse as a character building exercise.

But even with the wonderful insights gained through trips to the mall, I still struggle with waiting things out. My life feels so dirty at times that I'm afraid to step out of bed. Once I step out I know that I will get a cup of coffee to help wash away the filth still clinging to my bones from the day before, but this seems like a poor tradeoff. It is an effort to know that I will one day remember my current predicaments fondly and to take notes for that distant time. But this is how we must deal with life. If we choose to live (and our continued existence is a choice) then we must learn to love the things that will get our pretty white Polo's dirty. Our lives are filthy; but aren't we the ones that choose to play in the mud? Even if we are not playing in the mud we are truly stupid creatures for standing next to the puddle and expecting no one to fling something at us. Jesus said "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." Jesus came to help the sick, those who's souls where dirty. We spend so much time trying to keep clean that we forget that Jesus came for us just as we are, covered in the filth of our lives. We damn ourselves for our every mistake with a disregard for Jesus' atonement. Our struggles build character. Our filth builds faith. Our stories inspire. This is our lives. Dirty and unkept. Splashing in the mud is unavoidable, but the rains of life's experience will wash us clean as we are sanctified daily.

-Sam L.